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Occupations

by Ben Colhoun

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1.
Exceptional Moment Exceptional Moment Exceptional Moment Sleep
2.
3.
That was one of the best venison wellingtons I've eaten in my life
4.
Take this to table 4 and tell me if they like it And please send compliments from the chef while your at it The man who's having the beef has a very nice jacket You can't get tailoring like that in my price bracket Service please The woman on table 6 has impeccable lipstick I hope it doesn't get smudged while she's quaffing her limpets The man sitting opposite her has a stylish shirt on I've never seen patterns like that when I'm browsing in Burton's Service please! A couple near the bar are perusing the wine list Such poise and grace - demonstrating elegance exists Send compliments from the chef, and tell them that I'm impressed A delightful pairing - his blue tie and her red dress Compliments from the chef I've had enough of dishing up grub for these morons I'm done sprinkling niceties as if compliments were croutons I'm stuck in my kitchen staring out at you I'm sticking my finger in your tiramisu Enough compliments from the chef Enough
5.
Islands Dotted round the ocean like a spilt bowl of dry cereal Occasional clumps where the honey keeps things stuck And the occasional piece of milky luck Islands Where you imagine you'll be visiting But when you make it out by boat You keep circling around your own moat And the milk is all a figment of your udder-less goat Islands A no-man's land of milky in-betweens a cheerio of circular dreams fishing in the bottom of the pack for something that you never wanted to get back Islands
6.
I'm on the board of the Tropical Cyclone Committee And I choose the names of the hurricanes Hurricane Mitch Typhoon Nina Who can forget hurricane Katrina I'm on the board of the Tropical Cyclone Committee And I choose the names of the hurricanes Someone please give me a hand when Barry nears land Who's up next? I'm sure you'd like to know: Chantal Dorian Erin Fernand Gabrielle Humberto Imelda Jerry Karen Lorenzo Melissa Nestor Olga Pablo Rebekah Sebastien Tanya Van and Wendy I'm on the board of the Tropical Cyclone Committee And I choose the names of the hurricanes Please accept my apology if I've ruined your name
7.
This is a sample event
8.
Fill up your shelves, create ambience in your home Also great for business and corporate environments Books by the metre Your look can be achieved cost effectively There will be no need for fake book wallpaper Books by the metre Get into you groove, jazz up your Zoom And inject some style into your room Books by the metre Pick the colour of the cover, choose the design of the spine Buy by the metre and save some time Books by the metre Please note, not all jackets will match the literature inside Please ask if you want your books a uniform size Books by the metre
9.
It's not just a light, it's the height of expression It's not just a window, it's a pained obsession It's not just a chair, it's a heavenly seat It's not just a desk, it's a daring feat Don't be a Luddite, don't leave yourself vacant Transform your staircase into a statement
10.
I get a gift set every single year Lynx Africa - wow, that still exists I get a gift set every Christmas day Ted Baker - perpetual 90s teenager hey Your nana makes me smell good Your nana keeps me young Your nana makes me smell good Keeps me smelling strong I'd better send a letter Or at least pick up the phone And say thank you for the face scrub, deodorant and shaving foam

about

The songs of this album come from snippets of overheard conversations, news headlines, adverts and things like that. I think the main theme is about laughing at absurd and mundane things we do in life. Not really in a mocking way, but more in a sort of enquiring way, leading to a kind of acceptance that everything is totally bizarre, but maybe that's fine and we should try to enjoy it as much as possible, in full knowledge of the futility of it all. A bit like that guy Sisyphus, as long as he is smiling, or a bit like when I go to work each day and do the same things and then go home and eat a hot sandwich and then say 'mmm, that was a nice day, see you tomorrow.'

credits

released October 2, 2020

Recorded and mixed by Ben Colhoun Walker
Mastered by Wayne Adams
Limited edition lathe-cut discs released by Hot Fools Records

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about

Ben Colhoun London, UK

I make music and draw pictures in my shed. I am on the good edge of sanity, and falling off it has been a dream of mine since I was 37 years old.

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